My Dream Birthday

My birthday is rapidly approaching so I've been thinking about how I want to spend the day. My dream birthday would involve trips to exotic locales with a happy (as vs. cranky that I made him travel) DH. The Eldest is also a fine traveling companion.

But that's not happening, so I am planning for a more realistic dream birthday. The day will start with a family lunch at my favorite restaurant where I will order all of my favorite menu items and have two bites of their amazing Key Lime Pie for dessert. After that I want to head to the movies with my "lady frenzz" (as my 19 year old "claimed" sister calls them) to see "Eat, Pray, Love". (Claimed sisters, I have two of them, are both invited of course, along with all of my other female friends.) DH is NOT invited; he'll scoff through the whole movie and wreck it for me. (I know these things about him; we have history.) After that I want to be home in time to catch the early part of the sunset on my walk, with enough sunset left over for a quick bike ride to finish the day. Well, the daylight part of the day. Then some chill time after my walk while the kids make dinner.

I'm also hoping for no eye rolls or huffy sighs from The Eldest. (OK, she's not bad about the eye rolls and huffy sighs MOST of the time; I'm teasing her a little bit here.) I was hoping she would have her restricted license before my birthday but we couldn't get an appointment at the DMV until a week afterward. (Yes, I have one of those rare teens who does NOT want to drive; it's quite the power struggle now. I've been bugging her about it for over two years. If she fails her test again this time...) And the little ones- I can only hope for lots of hugs and kisses and doing what they are told to do the first time they are asked. Yeah, that lots of hugs and kisses thing; that's pretty much hoped for from everyone! :)

And finally, as for aging, it's happening. I'm closer to 50 now than 30. I can still claim mid-40s, but just barely. It's OK; sure beats the alternative! I've never been one to mind aging. As long as I am able to learn and love and grow, it's all good.

Why Did I Post That??

Sometimes I post stuff then go wait, why did I do that? My last post about fibromyalgia is one of those. I'm not sure why I wrote that, to be honest. I'm not looking for pity, that's for sure. I know I was frustrated when I was writing since it was such a bad day and I needed to vent, so I guess that's part of it. Today was better. I had more energy; I didn't have that walking under water feeling, either.

I have a lot of good things going for me in regards to having fibro. I'm lucky I don't have to generate an income for my family since DH makes enough to support us. I don't know that I would be able to function if I had to work full time again; I would have nothing left for enjoying life, but luckily that's not an issue. I can set my own schedule and take it easy when I need to, although I tend to over do things and get myself in a pickle with commitments every now and again. We have good insurance that is covering things like acupuncture and any doctor visits I feel I need. I don't have fibro as badly as some people do. There are people out there who are bed ridden with it; I have a mild case in comparison. It's not a progressive illness, so as bad as it is now is as bad as it will ever get. I have a lot more good days than bad ones. The flare ups can get really bad, but they are usually over in a day or two. Most importantly, I have DH. He doesn't always get it when I'm hurting, but when he does he gets it right. He doesn't hover or make me feel like he's pitying me at all, he's supportive, and he does more than his fair share to keep our household running. I feel guilty when he works a full day then comes home to no dinner and dishes piled high in the sink, but he's great about it. (OK, he gets cranky every now and again, but he's human; he's entitled. Then he cooks the meal and throws the dishes in the dishwasher, saving the day like the knight in shining armor that he is.)

I don't let the fibro stop me from living my life. I took The Eldest to Europe last year. I go camping with my Girl Scouts. I exercise. I sign up for things. I didn't miss a single day of the classes I took recently. Basically, I live by the hold-your-nose-and-jump-in philosophy. I plan things, and if I'm having a bad day when those things roll around, I deal with it. It's manageable. It's not fun, but it's manageable, and it's not stopping me.

What Fibro Feels Like

Most of the time I don't believe my diagnosis of fibromyalgia. I don't have the typical tender points and I can function pretty well if I keep my schedule from getting too crazy. I'm always a little sore somewhere but normally it's nothing I can't handle. Then there are days when I have flare ups. Those are not good days. Those are days full of frustration that I can't do what I want to do because I feel so darn lousy. It's like the day after the worst day of the flu. You're on the mend but you still feel wrung out, still sore and achy, still tired. The frustrating part is I still want to DO things. I WANT to get out of bed and get on with my life, work on my latest project (I always have one project or another going on) or do something fun with the kids, but I can't. I can push through it when I have to but it is so draining, like when you try to walk fast in a pool with the water up to your shoulders. It's like there's a resistance pushing against you; movement is harder than it should be.

And then there's the "fibro fog", which can hit at any time, flare up or not. That's really frustrating. I am usually pretty sharp, but when I get THE FOG, I'm anything but sharp. Dull as a spoon is more like it. I forget things. If I have something important in my hand I might get distracted and put it down without realizing it and forget where I've put it. I've lost some really important papers that way. I get names wrong. I know lots of people do that too, but I manage to do it in spectacular style! As an example, I spent a weekend on a team with a woman I went to Girl Scout Basic Camp Training with. We worked side by side, we participated in a meaningful ceremony together, we sang silly camp songs together, and took pictures together. I KNEW her name as well as my own. I got back and attended an event with this woman and introduced her as someone else on our team and didn't realize it until about a week afterward. (It woke me up in the middle of the night- did I? OMG, YES I DID!!! SHE MUST THINK I AM THE WORLD'S BIGGEST IDIOT!!!) I blame the fibro fog. Yes, it can be that bad. Fog is a very accurate description of how it feels, too. It's like my thinking is clouded over. I hate it.

But on the up side, I don't have fibromyalgia as bad as some people do. I'm not taking any prescription medication for it although I take an Aleve every day. (Which I also take for arthritis.) I'm trying to manage by changing my lifestyle with the weight loss, regular exercise, (although I come home and I'm bed ridden for two hours after my daily walk, but I still do it), and eating properly. I try to get enough sleep but sometimes my body doesn't cooperate. That's the hardest time for me, when I'm in a not-sleeping-well cycle, but I know it is just a cycle and if I don't freak out about it I'll get through it and get back to sleeping well. I'm also trying acupuncture since I met an acupuncturist through my book club. She's away on a long trip right now so I can't see her for this flare up, but things were going well prior to her leaving. I'm experimenting with herbal supplements. Melatonin did NOT work for me. A doctor I worked with once recommended it for a patient as a very mild sleep aid so I figured what the heck. I tried it last week and took a pill before bed one night. I didn't sleep AT ALL that night and not much the next night either- from ONE pill! I don't know if it was the pill's fault that I was unable to sleep; maybe I just got myself so excited that it would be the answer to my sleep problems that I counteracted any good it could have done. (It is supposed to be mild, after all.)

I hate talking about the fibro most of the time. I don't want it to be a big deal, but sometimes it is. Mostly it isn't. It's just that I don't know when it will be a big deal and when I can live like everyone else and forget about it.

Memory Lane

The biggest project on my summer "TO DO" list is to deal with two huge piles of random stuff from my grandmother's house that have been stacked in my living room and hallway for way too long. She passed away a couple of years ago and I was the relative living the closest to her home, so the bulk of what was left, after everyone took what they wanted and the charity truck picked up the clothes and furniture, got stashed in my living room and hallway. The piles took over my living room almost completely at first, but I've whittled it down to the two piles, and was able to condense that down to one pile yesterday, with everything FINALLY out of the living room. (YEAH!!!) At this point I have it down to mainly pictures and paperwork. There are a few other things I am finding it hard to part with- her jewelry box with a little bit of costume jewelry left in it, her hair brushes, a few of my grandfather's things, but it's mostly pictures and papers.

The boxes I sorted through yesterday contained her recipe clippings. My grandmother had a major sweet tooth; the majority of the recipes by far were for DESSERTS! She clipped recipes from the paper and magazines, labels on cans and chocolate chip bags, and sent away for recipes from "Mr. Food". Some of the recipes dated back to before I was born. (Some of them probably go way back even before that, but only a few of them are dated.) She loved to entertain when she was younger and was very active in her church and missions program. She would have missionaries visit and stay with her, or at least eat with her, quite often back in the day. (I don't remember the visits personally but she told me about it.) I'm sure she fed them some desserts that were out of this world.

I remember hosting a shower with her once, how she prepared and planned. She could carry out a theme, that's for sure. I found some themed items from her church that she probably contributed ideas to. She attended several Mother/Daughter banquets and kept the invitation and other items from one that had a sewing theme, "Pattern for Living", from 1964. It was joyous to look at; the way they incorporated sewing into the banquet was so clever. They gave out the menu and favors in an envelope made up to look like a pattern. The favor looked like a little apron with flowers in the pocket; the flower pot was a thimble. The tickets were a section of a tape measure.

I almost cried when I found an autograph album she used when she was 18. Several of her friends signed it and she wrote in it like a diary. Unfortunately she wrote lightly and in pencil so it's hard to make out, but what I can read is priceless. I'm hoping to work on figuring out everything; maybe I'll be able to post it one of these days. (Adding it to the "TO DO" list...)

The pictures are wonderful, too. She gave me a lot of her pictures, especially the older ones from her childhood and early adult years, before she died. That still left a whole bunch for me to go through now! Family gatherings, vacations, her grandchildren, her sisters, holidays, and flowers. She took pictures of every bouquet of flowers anyone ever sent her. I'm hoping to scan all of them with a picture scanner my mom gave me, then I can send them out to any relatives who want them.

It's both hard and comforting at the same time to go through her things. I miss her so much and this makes me think of her even more, but it's almost like she's still here. It's so frustrating that I can't call her and ask her the stories behind some of her things, though, like what she remembers about that Mother/Daughter banquet, or what she wrote in her autograph album that I can't make out. I dream about her, about when she was a young woman. I didn't know her then but I dream.

Taking Care of Nature

We have a regular butterfly nursery in our Bugville Treehouse these days! We rescued four Gulf Fritillary chrysalids from ants on our passion vine and placed them in snack cups which we then placed in the BT to keep them safe from predators. Luckily they all made their chrysalids on the vine so we were able to snip off the leaf or section of vine then tape it into the cups, keeping the chryaslids upright. (Which is important for proper butterfly development, don't ya know.)

The Middle Child discovered the attack; one was WRIGGLING in response to the ants while in chrysalis form. I had no idea they could do that! We had to spring into action, of course. The benefit? We get to release the little critters when they hatch, which is a magical thing. We've got two down, two to go.

On another note, we had our trees trimmed by professional arborists today. (I hope they didn't damage any butterflies in the process; they promised they would be careful!) This is an annual event around here since a properly pruned tree will better withstand hurricanes. We've been using the same company since before we moved into our current home, so I'd guess about six or seven years. I found them when the owner was quoted in our local paper. I figured if he's quoted in the paper, then he must know what he's talking about, so that's the guy for me. I knew, from going through Hurricane Andrew, seeing the damage to the trees, and reading about it afterward, that you can't hire just anybody to trim trees. It's a skilled profession and if any fly by night comes knocking at your door they can do some serious damage! (You can also get in trouble with code enforcement since hat racked trees are against the law around here.)

As an example of what proper pruning can accomplish, I am constantly astounded by one of our live oak trees. When we first moved in it was a sad, pathetic little thing, maybe 20 feet tall if that. Our tree guys have pruned it annually and it's now gorgeous! It's tall and graceful and flowy. But the real surprise comes when you compare it to the trees on our swale, which are maintained by our homeowner's association. The swale trees were the same height as our oak when we moved in and are also pruned annually, but they are pruned by the landscapers, not arborists, and all they do is "lift" the tree so that the foliage isn't scraping up the cars that drive by. The swale trees are now... the same height as they were six years ago. The ONLY difference is the pruning! We have done NOTHING beyond that for our trees. (OK, the tree guys throw out a little fertilizer when they're done.) Amazing, amazing, amazing.

But the arborists got here about three hours earlier than I wanted them to, so I'm tired. (Chain saws buzzing outside your window are not exactly conducive to sleeping.) I'm reading back over what I've written to edit it and... is it coherent at all? I'm too wiped out to tell so I'd better quit typing and go to bed.

Recipe Review: Southern Style Greens with Beans

DH cooked up a recipe I found on Food Network today and it's a keeper as far as I'm concerned. Quick, easy, healthy and delicious; that's a win all the way around. It's a Sandra Lee recipe, who is not usually my favorite chef since I don't like her reliance on processed food, but I made an exception for this recipe. We had to modify it to make it vegetarian but it was very easy to do. Switch the beef broth for veggie broth and leave off the bacon bits, and presto, it's vegan. I'm looking for more ways to incorporate greens into our diet since they are just so darn healthy so this recipe accomplishes that goal as well. We served it over brown rice.

Click for the link to the recipe:

Sandra Lee's Southern Style Greens with Beans

My Comment on The Voracious Vegan

One of my favorite blogs to read is The Voracious Vegan. I like her stand on a lot of issues, she really gets me thinking, and I enjoy the glimpses of life in another part of the world. Today she posted about some issues that were raised with a fellow vegan who accused her of not being vegan enough. (Go figure.) Stop reading now and go read her post, all you have to do is click here, then come back and you can read my response. (Which is also posted there; comment #38.)

Hi Tasha:
Wow, what a post! I read an article in Mother Earth News recently that raised some of the same issues. It’s the kind of stuff that hurts to think about.

As for myself, I'm a newly minted vegetarian. I'm leaning towards veganism but I’m not there yet. I understand the arguments for giving up eggs and dairy, the cruelty involved with veal calves and caged chickens, but although I've cut back on those products a lot, I haven’t been able to give them up entirely yet. Your post has me thinking about my reasons for giving up meat in the first place. Like a lot of people, my head was stuck in the sand about how animals are raised and slaughtered. I thought they had decent lives then were killed quickly and painlessly. I knew about the terrible way veal calves and geese were treated so I NEVER ate veal (not realizing it was a by product of the dairy industry) or pâté. I only bought cage free brown eggs; my kids would ask why and I told them it's because farmers were mean to the chickens that made the white eggs. Food, Inc. and a lot of reading after I watched the movie taught me better. I can't support companies that practice factory farming; it's just too horrific.

Having said that, I’ll admit that the cruelty arguments, although very powerful, are not the main reason I gave up meat. After all, I can still get humanely raised, organic meat if I make an effort. (Which I did last Christmas for our final meal with meat.) The tipping point for me is the environmental and humanitarian impact of eating meat. The disproportionate amount of natural resources that meat production requires and the fact that every bite of meat we take in the “first world” is stealing food out of the mouths of people in the “third world”. Would we eat as much meat if we had to stand in front of a starving child and forcibly take the food from his or her plate? Not many people would, yet that is exactly what we are doing when we eat meat. I can’t do it anymore. Luckily I had the support of a good friend who took the journey with me (she jumped straight to veganism), sharing recipes, offering encouragement, suggesting more reading material, and so forth. That made it a lot easier to make the transition.

I still have many friends and family members who are not about to give up meat and I’m not going to judge them for that. I encourage them to eat less meat by telling them about the Meatless Monday movement, gently suggesting that they cut back on meat as much as they can, and by setting an example with my own choices. I’ve blogged about my reasons for giving up meat too, so maybe that will help. There’s also an argument I heard (I think it was part of a Ted Talk) that said 100 people giving up meat one day each week would have more of an impact that 10 people giving it up entirely. (Or something like that; I don’t have the numbers right, but that’s the gist of it.)

I think that’s where the movement has to go to be successful in the ultimate goals of reducing suffering, both human and animal. We have to be gentle with people who are not as enlightened, who are not eating with consciousness. The majority of the population is NOT going to give up meat, that’s just reality, so the goal should be to educate, encourage, and enlighten, not judge and make them all defensive and more entrenched in their positions. Getting more people to reduce their consumption of meat, to eat more mindfully, will be more effective and reach more people in the long run than trying to get everyone to go vegetarian or vegan. It’s important to be passionate about our own choices while still not judging others for making theirs, for drawing that line where they feel it needs to be. It’s also important to make the effort to get people thinking, so that when they do draw their own lines, it’s with an understanding and awareness of the issues and not because it’s the way they’ve always done things.

That line can be slippery, after all, as your post points out. Honey, for instance. Talk about a slippery line! The honey thing bothers me. If vegans don’t want to hurt bees, then you can extend that to not eating anything that bees are trucked around to pollinate, which is far more damaging to them than using their honey. (Correct me if I’m wrong on that point.) That means vegans should give up things like almonds and a lot of different kinds of fruit. See? You could go on forever with that line of thinking, until the only conclusion is just to commit suicide. But then burial can be a problem as well, or do you use the resources for a cremation?? You can make yourself crazy with all the what ifs and spooling out the arguments into infinity. You just do the best you can and acknowledge the fact that you exist and you have a right to consume a certain amount of resources because you are a special, amazing, wonderful living creature just like all of the other wonderful creatures on our planet, and go from there.