Haikus

Martha Jr. is struggling with writing a haiku. She gets this way sometimes- she is a very capable student, but sometimes she puts up a wall in her brain when she doesn't immediately get a concept. The rest of us were encouraging her by writing haikus of our own; they were too good (ahem) not too share!!! (Well, "good" may be stretching it...)

Here they are:

Me:
Orange sunset bright
Beautiful color hues
My favorite time

DH:
Orange blossoms fall
Writing Florida haikus sucks
But then maybe not

The Eldest:
This is really hard
Haikus are pretty silly
Nature reference

Me:
Cherry blossoms fall
Streets of Washington shimmer
Fabulous field trips

(DH said there was a haiku meme on the internet a while back where you had to start every haiku with "cherry blossoms fall". That reminded me of our field trip to Washington, DC where they were celebrating the cherry blossom trees that were gifted to the city from Japan 100 years before, thus my haiku.)

The Wild Child:
Minecraft really rocks
I am digging for diamonds
Creepers explode BOOM

I'll post an update when Martha Jr. stops being her own worst enemy and writes one of her own!!

Frustrating Limits

Fibro stinks. One of the reasons it stinks is because of the limitations it puts on my life. I'm handling it as well as can be expected, some people are completely disabled by fibromyalgia after all, but I am frustrated that I can't do everything I want to do. I love the various groups I've been involved with, Girl Scouts, 4H, political campaigns, a local non-profit for kids, and a greyhound rescue group to name a few, but I can't do as much for each of them as I'd like. I constantly find myself saying "NO" when I would so dearly love to say "YES", just because I don't have the energy reserves to take on the work. This week was one of those weeks. Monday and Tuesday were both busy, busy days, up early and running around with the kids for various activities, and by the end of the day on Tuesday it was catching up with me. I struggled through a trip to the grocery store, then about passed out after I got home. On Wednesday I was bed ridden. I had a full "to do" list but just getting up out of bed made me tired, so I mostly didn't. I feel terrible that I'm leaning on my husband so much- he picks up the slack when I have those "fibro days", but I just can't. It feels like when you have the flu and you're over the worst of it, but you still feel lousy and weak, so you know there's a few more days of recovery and bed rest left to go. That's the exact feeling I have when I get a bad flare up. I stand up and immediately feel like I need to lay down again. Sometimes I can push through it, but that's hard to do. Sometimes I need to just give in, cancel everything, and rest. Thanks to DH, when I have those days I usually can get the rest I need; I can't imagine having to work for a paycheck while dealing with this.

So when you ask me to help out with something, and I say no with some lame excuse, it's because I'm feeling a flare coming on, or I know I'm over-scheduled, or I've taken on too much already, and I just can't. I rarely say it's because of the fibro, I'm not sure why, but that's usually what it is. Maybe it's because I hate acknowledging it myself- if I admit that's why I can't do something, then I'm admitting I have a disability. Blech. I want to feel healthy and alive and in control of my life, not limited and weak, but it is what it is. I can't say I'd be a Type A personality if I didn't have fibro, but I would be a much more active go-getter if I could manage it. Sigh.

Oh, well; we all have to handle the cards we're dealt, so here's to life and making the best of it. :)

A Jane Austen Read Through!

I don't know if "read throughs" are a thing, but "cook throughs" are, made popular by the Julie & Julia blog. Lots and lots of bloggers have cooked through various cookbooks since then; too much work for me, so don't expect that here! What I am reporting about, however, is my Jane Austen read through. I read all of her novels (not that many, but still) a couple of weeks ago. I started with Pride & Prejudice, then backtracked to Sense & Sensibility, then read the rest in the order of publication. I followed that up with Lady Susan and the unfinished Sandition. This wasn't the first time I've read her work; she's one of my favorite authors.

As I've grown older, I've valued her work for different reasons. Originally I liked the stories- they are very charming and so easy to love. I still adore the stories, but now I feel a deeper connection to them. Not because of the stories themselves, or any feeling of connection to the author, but more of a connection to the generations of women who've read them before me. When my grandmother was alive I once mentioned my fondness for Jane Austen and she said she read her work too; my mother said the same thing recently. That made me realize how many generations these books have touched- 200 years of women. Countless women have taken time out of their busy lives to stop and read these very books. I wonder at the clothing they might have been wearing, from the popular dress when they were first published to women in the last century wearing the fashions of their day, to now, the 2000's. Where were they sitting? What were they in the middle of when they stopped to read? My Great Aunt Peg, who died young- I don't know much about her, but I do know she frequently babysat my mom and aunt, and that she liked apples and reading. Did she grab an apple, find a cozy spot, and open a beloved copy of Pride & Prejudice while my mom and aunt played nearby? She never could have envisioned the way I read these books recently- on my electronic reader. What would she have thought of that, I wonder!!

I feel such a sense of nostalgia when I read these books now. It wasn't my first time reading them all, and I'm sure it won't be my last. Jane Austen endures because she is a thread that connects women through time; I hope that thread continues for many more centuries to come.

Learning Disabilities

The Wild Child is progressing well with his reading specialist. He's been working with her since his reading disability was diagnosed two years ago and he's almost ready to "graduate" from her program; he's reading with confidence so all it's going to take is more practice. We are so fortunate that we had the availability and proximity of the facility where he was tested and tutored- and the monetary resources to afford it- so that he could receive the help he needed to learn to read.

It's been hard on him- going to the tutor when his sister doesn't have to, even daily during the summer, and the frustration he felt when he knew he was smart but yet he couldn't master this basic skill much younger kids had no problem with. There was some teasing from the neighborhood kids back when he was first diagnosed. He's worked hard, though, and he's come so far- no more teasing, that's for sure.

One explanation I came up with for him when he was diagnosed was comparing his reading issues to a pair of binoculars. Most kids have plain old ordinary binoculars, capable of focusing on the written word with no problems, so they learn to read easily. My Wild Child, however, has an ultra fancy pair of binoculars that take time, care, and a lot of hard work to get them to focus properly, but once they are working right they'll read just as well as any other pair, maybe better since he'll know how to use them so much more effectively.

In the meantime, he continues to rely on his Kindle with the text to speech feature. He walks around with that thing all the time; the sound of my son is the sound of the Kindle automated voice. His comprehension is much higher than his reading level so I'm thankful that the Kindle has opened the world of books up to him. I could probably stand for it to break now, though, and I wouldn't replace it if it did. His reading level is getting much closer to his comprehension level, although there's still a bit of a difference, so that he doesn't really need the Kindle for a crutch anymore. It's like his blankie now though- he even falls asleep to it at night. As soon as he finishes a book he begs for the next one; I can't even begin to say how many books he's read thanks to the talking Kindle.

So many things to be thankful for, but most of all his reading tutor, his Kindle, and his ability to compensate for his disability with the proper help. We are very fortunate.

Back on Track... I Hope!!!

As you may know (since I've written about several times), I lost over 40 pounds way back in 2007. I was still eating meat then but I stuck with lean meat, gave up all junk and fast food, and controlled portion sizes. I also logged a lot of time outside walking, taking just under 30 minutes to walk just under a mile and a half (once around the block) most days of the week. I developed my own eating plan but it was based on a weight loss class I had taken years earlier. (The LEARN program.) I kept my weight down for a long time, but I gained 9 pounds on a 19 day vacation to Europe with my daughter in 2009, and before I got all of that weight off I went vegetarian.

Only I didn't do it right! I didn't know how big my portions should be if they weren't meat, and all of my protein sources were now cheese, occasional eggs, and lots of starchy carbohydrates. (Lots and lots of beans and rice, soy until I realized it hurt me, quinoa, etc.) I basically gave up on portion control because I didn't know what my portions should be, plus plain old diet fatigue- I didn't want to deal with measuring out everything I ate anymore. I did continue to weigh myself every day, and I have watched with great frustration as my weight has gone up, and up, and up. It's six years later, and I've regained about half of the weight I lost.

Which is still beating the odds, I must say in my own defense!! Most diets fail and people regain ALL of the weight and then some within a discouragingly short period of time; it's depressing if you look at the statistics. The ray of hope is that there are people out there who beat the odds, and I am determined to be one of them. To that end, I've continued to search for solutions- how can I re-lose this weight? I tried meeting with a nutritionist at one point, but she said it couldn't be done as a vegetarian unless I basically went raw, or something. I actually happen to love a lot of raw food recipes (which are WAY more inventive than just salads, by the way) so that gave me something to think about. The only draw back is the intensive work required for raw meals- no cooking, but lots and lots of prep time, you need excellent knife skills, and you have to keep really fresh produce around, which can be difficult since the good stuff is both seasonal and spoils quickly. Not an insurmountable problem, but a challenge nonetheless.

So, no solutions yet, but I continue to try. I've made gradual inroads with figuring out portion control on my own; for instance, I've learned that I can only eat half of a quinoa quesadilla if I don't want my weight going up at the next morning's weigh in. Same for our occasional take out meal from the local bagel place- half of a whole wheat bagel/egg/swiss sandwich is enough for me. Just like before going vegetarian, that half cup measure is my best friend. If I'm having a beans and rice meal, then half a cup of beans and half a cup of rice is the best portion for me. (These may not be the best portions for anyone else, but they are working for me!!!)

Also just like before going vegetarian, the most dangerous part of the day for me is dinner prep and any time spent in the kitchen in the evening. Carbs in the form of things I buy "for the kids", ahem, (whole grain tortilla chips, whole grain cereals, bread, crackers, etc.) are readily available for grazing, and oh-so-easy since they don't require washing or peeling or chopping, but even those whole grain carbs can pack on the pounds when eaten indiscriminately, I've learned.

Another way I've been trying to figure this all out is by buying vegetarian diet books, specifically The Kind Diet and The Engine 2 Diet. I've glanced through some of the others written by various vegan/vegetarian doctors but the recipes seemed too clinical and spartan. Others rely too much on soy and soy products, which is an issue with a lot of raw food recipes as well. (Many of them call for soy sauce or "liquid aminos", which is a soy based product.) Because of my soy issues I can't really follow a pre-set vegetarian "choose from this list for breakfast, this list for lunch, this list for dinner" diet since they all include a lot of soy/tofu products. But I have to do something!!!

Sometimes the answer is something I learned or read about some time ago, but it has to kind of stew around in my brain before I'm ready to put it into practice. (Like the years between going through the LEARN program and putting those principles into practice; I'm slow sometimes!) For a while during the summer I talked to a nutritionist over the phone through our health insurance plan. (Yes, we have great insurance!!) With her, I set some realistic, practical goals... and didn't follow through, so I let the phone sessions go. One of those goals was to find some healthy recipes to get out of our current meal time rut, maybe some quick ones that would allow me to get out of the kitchen faster to reduce potential grazing time. From talking to the real life nutritionist, not the phone nutritionist, I remembered what she said about vegetarians, how they had to be practically raw to be successful with weight loss. Well, what if I don't go raw, but I do put more emphasis on eating vegetables, especially those green leafy ones? What will happen then? And what if I find some quick and easy recipes focusing on green leafies? How about that Engine 2 diet book that's been collecting dust on the shelf?

Yeah, it seems to be working!! For the past three days I've eaten "plant strong", as the E2 author calls it, focusing on getting more green leafy veggies (mainly kale and collard greens since I have both growing in my garden) in my diet, and getting back to portion control for my carbs and starchy proteins, and NO GRAZING unless it's on something that has to be washed, chopped, or peeled.

Results? Well, it's only been 3 days since starting my new program, but I'm down about 3 and a half pounds already. I realize some of that could be water weight, but still, I'll take it! The challenge now is to keep going, but I feel like I have it finally figured out. I know what to eat (MORE VEGETABLES, especially non-starchy ones and greens), what needs to be portion controlled, (carbs, starchy veggies and proteins), how big those portions should be, (half a cup, half a bagel, half a quesadilla, etc.) and where to find recipes. (E2, raw food recipes, salads, etc.) It's like pieces of a puzzle coming together for me, and I feel that this time will be different from the last 20 times I've tried to tackle this weight. It takes confidence and readiness, and I am feeling both of those right now.

Wish me luck! :)

PS: Thanks to Chloe Coscarelli for her quick, easy, and tasty soy sauce substitute! The Eldest made a batch for me and I'm going to use it to try a lot of those raw recipes that call for liquid aminos or soy sauce; can't wait to see how it works out.

Quotable

I'm not big on quotes in general, but there are a few that I've heard here and there that strike a chord. Here's one of them, from the movie "Hello, Dolly":

"Money, pardon the expression, is like manure. It isn't worth a thing unless it's spread around encouraging young things to grow."

Love that!! I wish the 1% elite in this country would follow that principle instead of hoarding all of the wealth to themselves. We'd all be a lot better off if that were the case!

Placebos Cured My Cold!!!

I caught a cold. I didn't want a cold, so I decided to fight it with everything I could possibly think of to fight it with, placebo or not. (DH has a tendency to sneer at anything not scientifically proven beyond the shadow of a doubt, but I have more of a "what the hell" attitude about these things.) Here's what I did:

1. Zinc lozenges
2. Vitamin C supplements
3. Time in the sun to soak up extra Vitamin D
4. Ginger shot at Whole Foods (takes some balls, let me tell you)
5. Visualizations, where I spent a few minutes imagining my immune system as full of cellular sized knights in shining armor KICKING some virus BUTT!!
6. Lots of OJ and water to stay hydrated (although all the running to the bathroom every time I got settled in for a good rest wasn't fun)
7. OTCs: Nyquil, Benadryl, Tylenol (not all at once, only as needed)

.... and it seemed to work! This was about the shortest cold I've ever had. I had a couple of days where I was flat out miserable and didn't want to get out of bed, but then everything started to clear up and I feel almost back to normal now. I had a few bouts of bad coughing but not days and days of it like I normally suffer with when I get a cold. It's just been better!

So there, anecdotal evidence that those crazy placebo cures might actually help, especially when you try ALL of them all at once!